Millers Go Canuck

Apparently, they've lost our bag and they have no idea where it is. It probably isn't in Ft. Lauderdale. It probably isn't in Detroit. It probably isn't at LAX. And, it isn't under the bag tag number that we thought it was. There is no easy way to find it and it has every item of clothing for Rhys and Laing, as well as our shoes and an irreplaceable birthday gift for my mom. We paid them to accept our bag in Detroit, put it on one plane, take it off the plane at LAX, and put it in the baggage claim area. Somehow, they dropped the ball. And, no one seems to be concerned at either airline. Anybody have a suggestion about solving this dilemma ... beyond making the front page somewhere due to apparent psychotic behaviour at the NWA counter?

Last year, we had record-breaking snowfall starting in November but we hadn't had any this year until this morning when we got up to a couple inches. Rhys doesn't remember the sled or the shovel from last year and we wanted him to get to play in the snow before we head to California tomorrow. We're getting better with the snow pants and boots. We had an argument about wearing a hat (any suggestions for overcoming this one?) and he was surprised that the snow was cold, but he was delighted to be outside.




Clearly, he's a Canadian boy!

While Rhys was outside, Laing was participating in his own neonatal style.

In 26 hours, a driver will pick us up to take us to the Detroit airport where we will take a flight to LAX and into the arms of my parents. The last time we made this journey, we were a family of three. I assumed until very recently that adding one more person to the mix would be easy but I failed to factor into the equation that Rhys is now a toddler and doesn't necessarily cooperate when we want him to. He is a delightful child, but he is his own little man and has no sense of danger with cars or escalators or TSA agents. And now parental attention is divided because Laing needs someone to push his stroller or carry him in the wrap and that person can't also be responsible for Rhys. As a result, this trip will be quite a bit more stressful than previous travel experiences.

But, we are excited that by Sunday night we'll be back in the Jones family fold and we'll be bringing our own special brand of chaos to HB!

At school and at home, Rhys is working on the alphabet. He sings the song and gets about 80% of the letters at this point. He can identify some letters by sight (H is the most frequently accurate for some reason). And, he likes playing with his alphabet in the bathtub. Sometimes Daddy helps put the letters in order.

A year ago, Rhys wasn't interested in stuffed animals for the most part. He liked his Curious George and his brown monkey from Uncle Davin, but they usually just lived in his room. In the last couple months, Rhys has started sleeping with his animals ... all of his animals. This week, we have a new friend: Zach is a Hudson Bay Company bear (you can tell by his scarf) and is a gift from our friend Penny. This gift was especially well-timed because Rhys is having a hard time understanding why the baby's stuffed animals can't be Rhys' stuffed animals (he says "share" very plaintively). Zach enjoyed a story with Rhys and Daddy this week.

Dear Laing,

It is hard to believe that a month has already passed. The day you were born was not what we anticipated which is an apt beginning for all things related to you because you are very different than we anticipated. You look much like Rhys at first glance (and your mommy as a newborn, according to your Grand), but I've realized that you are actually quite different: you have much more hair, your features are a bit finer, and your skeletal frame is not as larger. You also have longer fingers and toes.

Unlike your brother, you eat for sustenance and not enjoyment apparently. Most of the time, you appear to forget how the process works so there is some frustration on your part every three hours. Once you are eating, you are voracious and often end up sputtering. Once you have a full tummy, you roll onto your back and smile as you dribble milk out one side of your mouth. It always makes me smile.

Also unlike your brother, you are an excellent sleeper. You sleep most of the time. In fact, your most alert period each day starts just as we are getting ready for bed and lasts until about midnight. It makes for good visiting in the dark. When you are sleeping, you prefer to be in contact with a warm body which means we're all benefitting from snuggling with you. You love to cuddle! You are now up every three hours at night for a snack and you are improving at going back to sleep. I've just figured out that part of the problem is that you don't like cold blankets.

Your parents are not your only fans. Your big brother loves you in a way none of us anticipated. He frequently asks "hug the baby?" and delights in giving you kisses. Recently, you were in your bed fussing and Rhys said "Oh, I'll get it" as he headed for the stairs. He has tried to share his favourite car with you and loves to comment on your little body parts. Initially, he called you "Rhys' baby" but he is now using your name. We hope that this will always be such a loving relationship.

Your extended family also love you. Your Grand was with us for three weeks when you were born. She stayed in the hospital overnights with you and I. Once we were home, she started baking and cooking up a storm. She also held you and walked with you and patted your back. She's an expert with soothing fussy babies! Your Grandpa is very excited to meet you in person ... so excited that he insisted on a skype chat when you were just a couple days old. (You'll be meeting Miller family members starting in January and February.)

One thing that is not surprising about you is your propensity for the hiccups. For the last half of my pregnancy with you, you had the hiccups multiple times each day. In the last month that hasn't changed. You have the hiccups every day and you are frustrated by them. They interrupt your sleep and they make it harder for you to nurse. But, they pass after some time and you return to your usual placid state.

Because you are likely to be our last baby, we are savouring every day with you. You delight us and you've completed our family. We wanted two little people to love. Thank you for joining us and being part of our tribe. You, like Rhys, are the best baby!

Love, Mommy

It is no surprise that Laing has long feet (my mom and Scott both have very long feet), but I'm not sure where he got his toes.

We're experiencing another great disease at our house: roseola. Rhys is home from school and we have a spot of cabin fever because it is cold and rainy. Rhys is accustomed to school on a Monday so we're having to be creative (mostly Scott because I had an appointment, see next paragraph, this morning) with keeping him entertained. One thing Rhys was quite curious about when I came home this afternoon was experiencing some of the baby equipment for himself. He's too big for the swing and he's too big for the bouncy seat, but we thought it was probably safe to put him in the exer-saucer for a couple minutes under close supervision. (I assumed he'd find it confining and not like it, but apparently it is fun even when you are more than 2 years old.


The appointment was for my feet. I'm not sure how it happened, but they had become so dry that the skin was cracked and bleeding. I'd tried everything (aveda foot cream, organic heel salve from Banff, vaseline with saran wrap and socks) to no avail, so my present to myself today was a parafin dip and pedicure. (Laing was a passenger in the baby wrap and slept for all but the last 2 minutes of the appointment ... he was easily pacified with nursing because it was his lunch time.) Apparently it worked because not only do they feel better, I think it looks like my toes are Christmas ornaments. If only I could do this every month!

This morning, it is 20 degrees. That's cold. In my opinion, it is far too cold, especially when one considers that the piddly little bit of snow on the ground isn't even 1/4" deep, to go outside for anything. But, Rhys goes to school every day (he's a much tougher real Canadian than his California mommy). So, we introduced snow pants this morning. (He had them last year too, but that isn't in his memory stores.) We wrangled him into them and rolled up the pant legs a little. I assumed there was at least the possibility of a fuss, but instead he started running around the front entry saying "nice." Clearly this is a Canadian boy ... even if he rejected the nanaimo bars last night.

Some people questioned our judgment when we elected to enroll Rhys in a pricey Montessori school. Yes, it costs more per year than tuition at the University of Windsor. But, it has remarkable dividends. Rhys is happy to go to school every day. He's learning to clean up after himself. He's learning to play well with others. They have toys we don't have. He eats things at school that he won't try at home. He naps during the day. Through the school experience, he has also learned to be quite independent in his play activities by times. Last night he wanted his dinner early and ended up playing while we ate. Here's the view.

My parents have given us a lovely and thoughtful Christmas present this year: plane tickets to see them! I realize that not everyone thinks the beach in Southern California (sand, The Pier, crashing waves, NO SNOW) is much of a holiday, but they are plain crazy. We love Christmas at the beach! My parents are loving grandparents and terrific parents. They are wonderful hosts (although you have to wonder about their sanity when they want a very busy two-year old and a new baby for two weeks) with a fabulous house. The food will be excellent. The baked goodies will be phenomenal. There will be multiple sets of fresh arms to hold either little boy. We'll be able to see old friends. And, there is all of Southern California to entertain us when we decide to leave the house. Rhys is already talking about the "big plane." We leave on the 20th and we'll be celebrating all the way to the airport (our driver may not feel the same but he's being paid to get us there).

That trip might be enough to satisfy the traveling urges of any family of four, but apparently not us. Laing and I are making a solo venture to Vancouver in January. We are flying out of the Windsor airport which will make things somewhat easier, but I'm a bit intimidated by traveling alone with an infant. I'm hoping that, like all things, the hardest part is the planning and anticipating. In the mean time, I'm making a list of what might help the two of us have a lower stress experience.

February, believe it or not, will bring another trip for our family. We're off to Texas to see Scott's mom, eldest brother Lee and his wife, and eldest niece and her husband. We want Scott's mom Louise to meet her newest grandson (12th grandchild and probably the last). Louise and my sister-in-law Linda and our niece and her husband haven't seen Rhys in person since he was an infant so there will be all sorts of re-acquainting going on.

This is a tribe that travels!

After I had Rhys, I despaired that I would forever remain a blubbery mass because I came home from the hospital weighing more than when I was admitted. It turns out that my medical status really interfered with the magical weight loss that is childbirth. I didn't need to worry so much. By the time Rhys was weaned at 15 months of age, I weighed 5 lbs less than when I got pregnant with him. (The stretch marks are forever but I don't need to wear a bikini to feel pretty.)

This pregnancy was a little easier on the weight gain front. Part of that was that I didn't crave daily cheese burgers for 18 weeks. Again, childbirth wasn't the miracle diet I was hoping for, but I'm over half way to where I was about a year ago. And, my maternity clothes are clearly too big. So, I'm in my transitional clothes (which I like ever so much better than the maternity clothes I've been wearing for months) and I'm looking forward to spring when I'll be back to my favourite clothes. To celebrate packing away the dreaded maternity clothes (with the hope that one or more of my friends will need to borrow them shortly), I have new undies that are in all sorts of fun colours. Without filling your mind with unwanted images, I'm just not a lace/strings/scary slogans on undies kind of girl, but I'm all about the fun colours.

I may be forever marked with the most unbelievable stretch marks ever seen on a woman who has not had a multiple pregnancy, but I will call these my mark of a job well done. That doesn't mean I won't wear my size 4 pants again!

Last night, we were invited to the new home of our friends Stephanie and Dan. Not only are they terrific colleagues from whom we are learning about birds, but they are gracious hosts AND all sorts of fun. They are brave because, despite the fact that they don't have children yet and they have seen the chaos that can follow closely behind Rhys, they invited us anyway. Their new house is FABULOUS (cue the envy!) and dinner was terrific. They have wide open spaces and beautiful colour choices and windows without fingerprints (until Rhys was near them) and lovely finishes and a space free from the toy piles that are part of toddlerhood. Rhys enjoyed running all over their basement and playing the piano and smiling at Stephanie and Dan while lying on the coffee table with his cars and being alternately enamoured with and terrified of their dog Buddy. We enjoyed their company and their enjoyment of our little people. These are people who will be wonderful parents some day but in the mean time, I can't imagine a better pair to introduce the Miller family to dining out with friends!

My mom left yesterday after being with us since the 11th of November. She made everything just a bit easier. We took her to the airport yesterday (our experiment with crossing the border having only a birth certificate for Laing ... US passport to come when we're in California and Canadian one at some point soon). After the airport, we made a fast Target run. Rhys accepted his seat in the basket with the explanation that he and the baby were having a ride. That was the smooth part of the adventure.

After Target, we planned to stop at Panera Bread for dinner. I know they have Chicken Noodle soup (Rhys LOVES soup) and I assumed it would be easier than driving home with two hungry children. Here's where the problems started: lots of people to observe in the restaurant meant Rhys was more interested in watching people than eating. And, he was tired of sitting so the high chair wasn't interesting either. But, he was willing to eat a little soup in exchange for access to his milk and an oatmeal cookie. Laing also contributed to the chaos by having a diaper blow out that wiped out his entire outfit while I was holding him. Unlike the incident from the day before involving no diaper and a freshly bathed baby wrapped in a towel, my clothes are not also wiped out. I went to the ladies room where there was a changing table. Unfortunately, someone was in that stall for an inordinate amount of time so I waited, holding a baby with a leaky poopy diaper ... fun times! Once I started changing the diaper, I realized the only trash can was 15 feet away (Note to any business with a diaper changing area: do the Nordstrom thing and have a little trash can adjacent to the changing table). Here were the choices: (1) walk away from Laing on a changing table (NO) or (2) flinging the diaper through space toward the trash can (I actually made it into the trash can).

After leaving Panera, it took us 2 hours to get home because of traffic on the bridge/at the border. Laing intermittently howled and Rhys was very, very patient. Thank goodness for an easy 2 year old ... may that continue in 2.5 weeks when we fly to California.


POST-SCRIPT:

Dear US Airways,
I'm not so happy with you for leaving my mom stranded in Phoenix. I appreciate you putting her up in a decent hotel, but I would have preferred you keep your planes in good repair so she could have slept in her own bed last night. Next time, do better!
Thanks so much,
Carlin

The boys are already missing you. (And Scott and I aren't sure what to do without the fifth member of our household.) Rhys kept saying on the way home last night "Gand go bye bye, big plane bye bye." Laing isn't as articulate but his cry is a bit plaintive today.

For several weeks, we've had an additional household member: my Mom and we've loved it. Not only does she cook and clean and do laundry, she also keeps us company and hugs her grandsons as well as acting as a communication conduit between an irrational postpartum mommy and a clueless overtired daddy. Basically, she's the perfect addition and she loves us! Today, she's going home. And, no one is happy about it.

Many people have asked about how we named our boys and I'll agree that it is not intuitive. Because of our history, we knew we were having boys quite early in each pregnancy and had picked names but we didn't want to reveal them because it seemed like it would make another loss more likely. (I realize this is magical thinking.) So we called Rhys Flip Flip (and then Flippy) and Laing Squirmy while we waited for their arrival in our world. Their anticipated names because subjects of great familial speculation.

Rhys Jones Miller was a combination of a baby book name and a family name, but both are Welsh. We wanted an R name (we had a girl R name in mind too and we liked the idea of 2 R names if we ever had a girl) and I found Rhys in a book. His middle name is my maiden name. Recently, I realized that Edward (youngest son of Queen Elizabeth II) is married to Sophie Rhys-Jones. My favourite response to Rhys' name was from a friend of my dad's: "a proper name for an upper crusty English gentleman."

Laing Adams Miller's name came from our grandmothers. (As you can tell, we gave up our R theme.) Laing was my maternal grandmother's maiden name (her father came from Scotland as a young man) and Adams was Scott's paternal grandmother's maiden name (same Adams as the US presidents). We are saying his first name incorrectly from the Scottish perspective but neither of us have that combination of phonemes at our disposal so when he eventually visits Scotland, he's likely to come home saying "Mom, you're saying my name wrong." (The /a/ in his name is the long a, like in "gate.")

A public service announcement brought to you by the Miller family. If you see a newborn out in public (ESPECIALLY DURING AN H1N1 epidemic), assume the mother is only out because she has to be. If you are curious about the baby, ask FIRST before you look. Do NOT attempt to touch the baby. If the baby is being held by the mother and is covered up, DO NOT TOUCH THE BLANKET!

Specifically to the pushy lady from yesterday, do not touch other people without asking first and don't look so offended when someone nicely asks you to not uncover a newborn. This is not your baby and you are not my friend or my family member so you have no rights in this interaction. Please back away from my baby!

I remember when Rhys was tiny being amazed that every other new mom around me seemed to have it so much more together. They could carry on a conversation while nursing. They could do mental math. They could drive 6 hours alone with their baby. They seemed emotionally stable. And, I was a wreak. I loved Rhys and I was totally focused on him to the end of not being able to do much else. Many days, I wasn't dressed before Scott came home from work. Most days, I considered it a victory if I was not covered in breast milk at dinner. Every day, I was overwhelmingly tired. And yet, all of my friends who were new moms seemed to be adjusting better than I was.

I now know their secret. Their babies must have slept. Rhys was awake half the night and most of the day (he was sleeping about 14 hours total in a 24 hour period when he was a month old). He was alert and wanted to be held. He was constantly hungry. And, he was most content with company in his immediate vicinity. We anticipated the same with Laing. I was ready for the sleep deprivation. I was ready for the exhaustion.

All that planning was unnecessary. Laing loves to sleep. He eats when he is hungry and he prefers to be held, but his first love is sleeping. He is now waking up 1-2 times per night and he sleeps during the day. He is quite placid when he's awake.

As a result, I can email and put out holiday decorations and have a coherent conversation while he is sleeping. Now, if I could just manage to get a shower before 3 in the afternoon ...